


love like thawing in the middle of winter

by sailingthenightsea



Series: meant to be [3]
Category: The Last of Us, The Last of Us (Video Games)
Genre: Father-Daughter Relationship, Life in Jackson, Nightmares, can't imagine why, ellie and joel being the best family, ellie hates snow and joel is there for her, full offense intended, if u ship them i will break ur legs, metaphors about cold and freezing, no tlou2 spoilers, nothing detailed tho, really just talking about david, very vague references to the attempted assault, winter based trauma
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-09
Updated: 2020-07-09
Packaged: 2021-03-04 18:13:28
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,382
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25170682
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sailingthenightsea/pseuds/sailingthenightsea
Summary: He shifts so he’s leaning up against the headboard and she’s curled up against his side, head on his chest and his arms around her tiny shaking frame. He’s always so warm, even in that basement in the dead of winter when both of them were freezing to death, he was still a fucking furnace. In the summer, she complains about it just to make him do that little half smothered amused face he does, but really it calms her down after nightmares. He’s here, he’s alive, he’s okay.Eventually she falls asleep like that, safe. Loved. (And, god, she is, isn’t she? After a whole life of people who left her one way or another, she’s got Joel who would—and did—give up the entire fucking world for her.)
Relationships: Ellie & Joel (The Last of Us)
Series: meant to be [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1810783
Comments: 11
Kudos: 77





	love like thawing in the middle of winter

**Author's Note:**

> like i said in the tags, this fic has some vague references to what happened in the diner. nothing specific, but if u have a problem w that do keep urself safe <3
> 
> this is part of a series and while it's not necessary to read the previous work, it is recommended!

Sunlight reflects off the freshly fallen snow creating a breathtaking scene. The scarf wrapped around her neck tickles her chin and her fingers are cold from where her brightly colored mittens are soaked through, but none of it matters because she’s warm under her soft layers and she’s laughing breathlessly. Joel’s got a mug of something steaming as he watches her play with the little blonde girl in the pom pom knit hat.

“ELLIE,” the girl squeals, giggling madly, when Ellie hits her with a snowball square in the chest.

Joel’s grinning into his drink at the peals of laughter coming from the girl when Ellie scoops her off the ground and slings her over her shoulder, using one arm to keep her steady. Between giggles, the girl shouts for Joel to save her.

_DADDY DADDY HELP ME!!_

The words echo strangely, the sounds warping and the laughter is gone with the sun, leaving only fear and desperate cries for help.

The porch Joel was standing on is gone. There is no house, there is no girl.

A hand lands on her shoulder, but when she turns, the wind whips up snow into her eyes and she can’t see anyone.

“JOEL,” she calls out. “JOEL, SARAH, WHERE ARE YOU?!”

_DADDY HELP ME DADDY DADDY HELP ME_

“JOEL,” she shouts again, panic turning her voice up at the edges. She tastes metal (copper or maybe steel; blood or maybe bullets) and smoke.

All the colors have faded and she’s left in worn out boots and a jacket she stole from a dead kid’s room.

The cold seeps in and it’s like a blade against her ribs. Fear sinks in like ice.

“Please,” she says into the darkness and the suffocating silence. “I don’t wanna be alone, Joel, _please_.”

_DADDY_

JOEL

_DADDY PLEASE I’M SCARED_

A hand closes over her mouth and she screams and then it’s gone like air. When she tries to kick out against someone holding her down, her legs are trapped, tangled.

“Ellie,” the little girl says.

She thrashes against the grip of the darkness.

“Please,” she begs. “Please no, please- JOEL!!”

“ELLIE!” the little girl screams, but it’s not the girl’s voice, it’s Joel’s and it’s filled to the brim with panic, overflowing, spilling down the sides of the glass.

Rain down a window, melted snow dripping from the ends of her hair. Something like safety, like warmth, like thawing.

“Ellie, baby, wake up. You’re okay. You’re safe. I’m right here, and I’m not going anywhere.” She finds the thread of his voice and it’s shaped like the handle of a machete, so she grabs on and she swings. It’s shaped like home in the middle of winter.

Ellie wakes in a hurricane of movement, gasping for air and fighting hard against retreating shadows. It takes a moment of grounding hands placed lightly on her shoulders and soft steady reassurances for her to realize where she is (her room), that she’s safe (with Joel). Warm.

“Hey, kiddo, you with me?” Joel asks gently and she nods, burying herself in his arms and hiding her face in his shoulder. He rubs a hand up and down her back and she lets out a shuddering breath, feeling herself thawing. “You wanna talk about it?”

“No.” And then, after a patient moment of him waiting her out, “I was alone. You were gone and it was _cold_ and I was so _fucking_ scared.”

His arms tighten around her because he knows. That’s all he needs to hear and he _knows_. “You ain’t alone, Ellie. And you won’t ever be alone again. You got me.”

And she knows, she knows, she knows.

“I love you,” she says and she feels a little of the tension melt from his limbs.

“I love you too, Ellie.” His voice is so soft when he says it, and she knows there was a long time where he thought he’d never say those words again to anyone. A long time where he thought he wasn’t capable of it. She wonders if it made him feel cold too, or if that’s just one more fucked up thing she has David to thank for.

(Sometimes she wishes she had the opportunity to kill him all over again. Sometimes she wishes Joel had gotten there just a minute or two earlier, so he could’ve killed him instead. Maybe it would make her feel a little less cold inside, a little less fucked up. But Joel says it’s like the time in the hotel when she shot that guy to save him. _It was him or you_. Like it was never any choice at all.)

He shifts so he’s leaning up against the headboard and she’s curled up against his side, head on his chest and his arms around her tiny shaking frame. He’s always so warm, even in that basement in the dead of winter when both of them were freezing to death, he was still a fucking furnace. In the summer, she complains about it just to make him do that little half smothered amused face he does, but really it calms her down after nightmares. He’s here, he’s alive, he’s okay.

Eventually she falls asleep like that, safe. _Loved_. (And, god, she is, isn’t she? After a whole life of people who left her one way or another, she’s got Joel who would—and did—give up the entire fucking world for her.)

-

She wakes with dawn, a habit she still hasn’t broken in the months since they arrived in Jackson. Joel is still there, like he always is, like he promised. Even though they don’t share a room anymore, he’s still always there. And if her screaming doesn’t wake him (or if she doesn’t scream, which is rarer now that they have a home and sound doesn’t mean immediate danger), she knows he’ll open his arms when she crawls under his covers. She doesn’t really know how to handle that—be grateful for it, so she doesn’t ever try to say it outloud. She thinks he understands, though, just how she understands him.

(And they’ve been trying to talk about things more because Tommy keeps saying it freaks people out when they communicate without words. But this is their home, her room. Here, they are allowed to exist together and find steady ground in each other.)

He’s awake, she can feel it, but he’s waiting for her to make the first move. Patient as always when it comes to her.

“We have patrol soon,” she says into the soft, sleepy silence.

She moves with his chest as he exhales slowly. “Nah, we deserve a break. I told Tommy last night.”

The blizzard came in after all, then. The sky had been hanging heavily for days and they all knew it was coming. She had been stubbornly insisting she was _fine_ , it had happened a _year ago_ , and she was _fine_. But she knows Joel has noticed the tension in her shoulders and the way she flinches when anyone but him touches her.

“Joel—” she starts, exasperated.

“I was tired,” he interrupts, ignoring her protest. “Sore. Might be comin’ down with a cold or something.” She doesn’t have to see his face to know the shape of the acceptance and care in his expression.

She closes her eyes briefly against a wave of emotion. Love and gratefulness and that same sick at her stomach feeling that comes with every snowfall (with the memories it brings, flashes with jagged edges that leave her broken and bleeding).

“Thanks,” she whispers and she means for all of it, for everything, for this moment and all the others that came before it. “For… for staying. With me.” _Take that, Tommy, I do too know how to talk shit out._

“Yeah,” he says and it sounds like a promise, “always.”

-

Hours later, sunset finds them curled up on their couch under the heaviest blankets in the house, watching dumb movies that make them both snort. They drink warm milk (a luxury) and talk until Joel passes out and Ellie keeps the movie playing, watching him sleep and trying not to think past this moment. She finds that it’s so much harder for the cold to reach her here, under the blankets, safe and sound.

**Author's Note:**

> hope y'all enjoyed! thank you so much for reading!! if u don't mind dropping a comment or even just a quick "<3" i'd really appreciate it!
> 
> hmu on tumblr (sailingthenightsea) or twitter (sailthenightsea)!!


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